Why and what is the reason for this insanity....???

I was thinking as I was making coffee this morning what the reason was for doing this blog... I think it is just to get out thoughts. I don't know that I really have a need for others to see what I am thinking but I don't have a paranoia for it either. God knows I have paranoia for other things like rats and people seeing my mess at my house. I am trying the desensitizing strategy of one - and it's not the rats. I over-analysed and think my fear of visitors is inherited from my mother. Have you realized that you become your parents no matter how hard you try not to? I slowly look more like my mother each day- in my opinion. My children have noted that we don't go anywhere and do anything....Is that a bad thing? It has always been comfortable to me. I do work everday so it itsn't like I am a hermit like my mother. I deal well with the public often and have social skills (I think). Where is the critical balance? Am I traumitizing my children for life because we don't "visit"? I guess time will tell....I don't know if that is something I want to change about myself. I do know that I want to change my hoarding tendancies. Yes, Hello, my name is Samantha and I am a hoarder. I have said it before and will chant that mantra until the day I die- not with pride but for self improvement. I have an addictive personality - also inherited.... first addiction is food as was evident with my huge body of 5 years ago (anniversary of my surgury is next month) and now it seems I trade obsessions. But just so it is known... I am working on me. I am seriously considering getting my BA in Business Admin. or Management. I am looking at Western Governors U- online program. More to come on that later. Some my think that confirms my insanity- working full time with five kids to take care of but I think I could do it in a year and half. Onward and it's Wednesday and I love the sunshine.